Definition: Spending more than 5 minutes carefully selecting what underwear to wear, and then either having a rubbish night, or not having the chance to show off your undies to your partner, or at least a best friend.
Saturday, 14 May 2011
Sunday, 1 May 2011
dunno why i bother..
i'm bored, i'm cold, i'm ill and i'm tired, but i'm still sat here awake at nearly 1 o'clock in the morning because i want to talk to you. but you're clearly not that bothered, it takes you a good half an hour to give me a shit respose to anything i say. why do i bother?
it's got to the point now where i've closed up again. i don't want to open up my feelings to you because i feel i can't. i never get a serious conversation out of you from it, i just end up crying whilst you sit there angry being a dick about it. so i can't tell you why you're bothering me, i can only show it, which just makes me look like a psycho - which i'm not. at least i know that this time. i'm literally doing nothing wrong and you treat me like i don't matter. i want to say so badly that if you keep this up you will lose me, but i know you won't. i know i'll stay with you no matter what because you've got me wrapped around your little finger, tied in with a strong bond of emotions and there's nothing i can do. the only thing i could do is hate you but i know i won't because you're on my mind all the time and you drive me crazy. you give me no pay back for everything i do and i know i deserve to be treated better than this but i love you, and that's it.
YOU need to fix this. there's nothing left that i can do.
i'm clearly upset and what do you do? you run from the situation again. i'm fed up with it.
it's got to the point now where i've closed up again. i don't want to open up my feelings to you because i feel i can't. i never get a serious conversation out of you from it, i just end up crying whilst you sit there angry being a dick about it. so i can't tell you why you're bothering me, i can only show it, which just makes me look like a psycho - which i'm not. at least i know that this time. i'm literally doing nothing wrong and you treat me like i don't matter. i want to say so badly that if you keep this up you will lose me, but i know you won't. i know i'll stay with you no matter what because you've got me wrapped around your little finger, tied in with a strong bond of emotions and there's nothing i can do. the only thing i could do is hate you but i know i won't because you're on my mind all the time and you drive me crazy. you give me no pay back for everything i do and i know i deserve to be treated better than this but i love you, and that's it.
YOU need to fix this. there's nothing left that i can do.
i'm clearly upset and what do you do? you run from the situation again. i'm fed up with it.
Thursday, 21 April 2011
my friends.
If it wasn't for my friends, I don't know what I'd do. They pull me through so much and they always stand by me. They keep me from drowning, they fix me when I'm broken. I love my friends.
Andy Georgia Sadie Marie Charlotte Ahmet Lindsay Sophie Matt Jade. thank you especially. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Andy Georgia Sadie Marie Charlotte Ahmet Lindsay Sophie Matt Jade. thank you especially. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I still believe it's you and me 'til the end of time.
When we collide, we come together;
If we don't we'll always be apart.
I'll take a bruise, I know you're worth it.
When you hit me, you hit me hard.
If we don't we'll always be apart.
I'll take a bruise, I know you're worth it.
When you hit me, you hit me hard.
Sunday, 17 April 2011
.
What the fuck even is this? You're not even talking to me like you normally do. You sound like a different person.
merrrr
All of these fucking posts are about you. You can't see them, so really, me writing these aimed at you is pointless, but I have to get it off of my chest somehow and I guess we'd both rather this than me saying all of this to you. Okay so here goes post number 94720357614719 about you.
You got back last night. I told you how happy I was that you were home but you didn't have much enthusiasm towards me. You could have come out with us. Only for a while and you didn't have to spend any money or even be out late. But you were too lazy and tried to say your parents said no, which I know they wouldn't have because they let you do what you want. But, because I expected you to do that, so it didn't bother me too much. I made excuses for your lack of effort towards me last night. I thought to myself "oh, he's just tired, he'll be fine tomorrow."
Today, I woke up pretty late, but I half expected to wake up to a message from you just saying "raaaaa xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx" like you always do. I woke up to nothing. Waited for a while, nothing. Signed in to Facebook, you were online but you signed out within 5 minutes of me being on it. Probably was nothing to do with me but it still kind of felt like it. Then 15 minutes later you popped up saying hello but then our conversation was pretty lifeless. Like we had nothing to say to each other, after more than a week without much contact. That wasn't true though, I had loads to say to you but I felt like I should save it until I saw you, because I'd rather be able to ask you things like "how was your holiday?" in person, because silence over the internet isn't as bad as silence in person. That's stupid though; having to 'save' things that I want to say, just in case we can't hold a conversation. I can hold a conversation, but there's only so much that I can say before I get fed up of getting short answers that I can't build on, as if I'm talking to myself.
If it were me that went on holiday, as soon as I came back I would have been desperate to see you, I would've missed you loads and wanted you as soon as possible. I guess as much as I say that I didn't expect you to be that eager, a little part of me hoped that you would be. I packed extra things in my handbag last night just in case I saw you and you wanted me to stay over. But - you don't seem to be that bothered about seeing me, or even speaking to me. I'm probably being ridiculous but it's just how I feel seeing as you've been away and you've come back and not even told me you've missed me or asked me to come over or about my week or anything. We had some problems before you left but we made them all better and were really close up until you got on the plane. I'm normally used to everything fucking up with guys after they've been away, I don't know why, but it's just how it's always happened. But I was confident that we'd be okay. You sent me a text every day and although towards the end of the holiday the texts became a lot shorter and less effort put in, I still appreciated it because it made me feel like you cared at least a bit. So, following that, I certainly didn't expect you to come home and us to fly back to square one.
I'm probably over reacting, hence why I wrote this here, where no one will read it, but it's just things adding up and making me feel like you're not bothered about me. I know I would be so different towards you, had it been the other way around. I'm going to wait until I see you to see how you act before saying or doing anything, but until then, I'm just going to take a leaf from your book and act exactly as you do.
I'm gonna go into -i'm not really bothered' mode.
You got back last night. I told you how happy I was that you were home but you didn't have much enthusiasm towards me. You could have come out with us. Only for a while and you didn't have to spend any money or even be out late. But you were too lazy and tried to say your parents said no, which I know they wouldn't have because they let you do what you want. But, because I expected you to do that, so it didn't bother me too much. I made excuses for your lack of effort towards me last night. I thought to myself "oh, he's just tired, he'll be fine tomorrow."
Today, I woke up pretty late, but I half expected to wake up to a message from you just saying "raaaaa xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx" like you always do. I woke up to nothing. Waited for a while, nothing. Signed in to Facebook, you were online but you signed out within 5 minutes of me being on it. Probably was nothing to do with me but it still kind of felt like it. Then 15 minutes later you popped up saying hello but then our conversation was pretty lifeless. Like we had nothing to say to each other, after more than a week without much contact. That wasn't true though, I had loads to say to you but I felt like I should save it until I saw you, because I'd rather be able to ask you things like "how was your holiday?" in person, because silence over the internet isn't as bad as silence in person. That's stupid though; having to 'save' things that I want to say, just in case we can't hold a conversation. I can hold a conversation, but there's only so much that I can say before I get fed up of getting short answers that I can't build on, as if I'm talking to myself.
If it were me that went on holiday, as soon as I came back I would have been desperate to see you, I would've missed you loads and wanted you as soon as possible. I guess as much as I say that I didn't expect you to be that eager, a little part of me hoped that you would be. I packed extra things in my handbag last night just in case I saw you and you wanted me to stay over. But - you don't seem to be that bothered about seeing me, or even speaking to me. I'm probably being ridiculous but it's just how I feel seeing as you've been away and you've come back and not even told me you've missed me or asked me to come over or about my week or anything. We had some problems before you left but we made them all better and were really close up until you got on the plane. I'm normally used to everything fucking up with guys after they've been away, I don't know why, but it's just how it's always happened. But I was confident that we'd be okay. You sent me a text every day and although towards the end of the holiday the texts became a lot shorter and less effort put in, I still appreciated it because it made me feel like you cared at least a bit. So, following that, I certainly didn't expect you to come home and us to fly back to square one.
I'm probably over reacting, hence why I wrote this here, where no one will read it, but it's just things adding up and making me feel like you're not bothered about me. I know I would be so different towards you, had it been the other way around. I'm going to wait until I see you to see how you act before saying or doing anything, but until then, I'm just going to take a leaf from your book and act exactly as you do.
I'm gonna go into -i'm not really bothered' mode.
Saturday, 16 April 2011
come home.
14/4/11
When I thought of you going away, I was in a way looking forward to it because we had a lot of bad problems before you went, and I thought this would be a nice unofficial break for us. I didn't think I'd miss you this much. It's not even been a week and I feel kinda ridiculous because that's not long at all but I miss you so so so much. Your text each night makes my day. Going from seeing and speaking to you every day to very little contact has been so weird and made it feel like you don't exist. People laugh at that and say 'so you're not in love then!', but I am, so very much and it feels that way because I'm so used to seeing you everyday, you're a part of me. Realising this, and missing you so much, makes me think I actually take you for granted.
I'm eatin' I'm not workin'
I'm sleepin' I'm not flirtin'
I'm lazin' I'm not amazin'
^ I have no idea what this is, it just came into my head so I wrote it :)
16/4/11
You're home today and I can't wait.
When I thought of you going away, I was in a way looking forward to it because we had a lot of bad problems before you went, and I thought this would be a nice unofficial break for us. I didn't think I'd miss you this much. It's not even been a week and I feel kinda ridiculous because that's not long at all but I miss you so so so much. Your text each night makes my day. Going from seeing and speaking to you every day to very little contact has been so weird and made it feel like you don't exist. People laugh at that and say 'so you're not in love then!', but I am, so very much and it feels that way because I'm so used to seeing you everyday, you're a part of me. Realising this, and missing you so much, makes me think I actually take you for granted.
I'm eatin' I'm not workin'
I'm sleepin' I'm not flirtin'
I'm lazin' I'm not amazin'
^ I have no idea what this is, it just came into my head so I wrote it :)
16/4/11
You're home today and I can't wait.
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