it's all about you.

You make it hard for me to love you. 
You don't care how I feel, as long as I'm still there for you, 
even though you know how you make me feel. 
You don't try to make conversation with me. 
You don't make plans with me. 
You don't try to impress me any more. 
You clearly see me as a hassle.
You don't try to make me feel better when I'm sad. 
You can't be bothered to see me and spend time with me. 
You don't listen when I talk to you.
You can't even be bothered to talk to me. 


These all sound like reasons to not be with you so why am I still here? 


Because I believe there's still hope. 
Because I want you to try. 
Because I'd rather be annoyed at you than be without you.
Because I would be 10x more miserable without you.
Because I love you.


But if nothing starts to look up then what's the point.  

dreaming of another world, dreaming of another one, dreaming of another you.

all i do is try to make you happy, try to keep things flowing, try to keep us together, and what do you do? nothing. when i try to point this out to you, you say you don't mean for this to happen and that you want to try but you just can't, and then you get frustrated with yourself, cry and make me look like a right dick head. then you'll maybe try for a few days, and then it'll go again and you'll stop bothering. i'll let you get away with it and carry on running around after you trying to make this work, but when i give up and i don't try, and you don't either and then we don't speak and don't make any plans, it just proves that it's all me. and that's not right. i don't want to be in a relationship with myself. i know i don't show it often or tell you often, although you'd probably disagree with that, seriously i don't, because i try to be strong and i try to not cause anything and i don't want to see you upset with yourself knowing i've caused it, because i hate seeing you sad, it breaks my heart, but it's wasted efforts and i get hurt regardless. i'm not even asking for much, i just want to feel appreciated, and for you to actually turn to me and say 'i love you' and mean it, not just be saying it just because you think you've annoyed me and it's an escape route. i want to still be with you in a years time, and we have the potential because we just click together like a jigsaw, but if you took a step back you'd see that every time you have the 'meh cba' attitude with me, you're pushing me away. i want to love you but you make it hard for me. you make me bitter.

i hate finding little reminds of her everywhere. i know they're old and you don't read them but they're there and i saw them. i'll admit i have one letter from an ex, and a couple of cards from another, but they're nothing like the things from her you have. they're simple and they're finished business, no chance of me going back there, whereas you and her might not be, you might still have feelings for her deep down for all i know. i'd let you see the letters and cards that i have if you really wanted to, but i know you wouldn't let me see the letters from her because you know they're not right and that they'd hurt me... so why do you still have them? you get annoyed at me when i won't tell you something or won't show you something, because you say i should share these things with you, but  i know you wouldn't share with me; because you're secretive. 

 the way i feel scares me because the last time i felt like this, i still knew that  me and the guy would break up, i could see it happening, i could see an end on it, even though i didn't want to, i could. but with you, i see no end, i can't imagine it. 

i just want to feel it, to know it, and not to guess it. 

..

would be nice not to be lied to by my own boyfriend.
and it would be nice for that whore to stop manipulating him.

Oh these times are hard, and they're making us crazy, don't give up on me baby.

Drinking old cheap bottles of wine, sit talking up all night, saying things we haven't for a while, a while. Smiling but we're close to tears, even after all these years, we've just now got the feeling that we're meeting, for the first time.

Chase.

Sitting by myself

looking for an answer

Looking high looking low

But there isn't one to be found.

Feel like shit and I'm not havin' it

day to day I do the same

Girl you better pick up your feet and go.

Whatcha gonna do when you're all by yourself

No place to go, no place to run to

you're gonna have to face it you know.

He's not gonna be around forever

and you're not gonna have this chance again

So don't screw it up because of him.

Forever on a chase, a chase through life

So much to do, so much to get right

You win, you lose, it's all a fight

It's never stops and it's hard, I know

But it's gonna chase you so -

Pick up your bags, put on your shoes,

Run away from the circling blues

Sing and dance and dance and sing

Go to the place that you've been dreaming

But don't stay away too long.

Written by Me.

How right, or wrong is it?

Is it acceptable to snoop around your other half's private things, for example, messages on their phone, or inboxes on their Facebook?

It could be argued, No -

they have the right to have privacy.

you should trust them.

you wouldn't like it if they did it to you.

Or, it could be argued, Yes -

they shouldn't have anything to hide.

they should share their life with you too.

it puts your mind at rest that you're not losing them.

it's a normal thing to want to do.

From these points, it kind of seems that the points against are stronger than the points for. But what if there was a reason for you to keep wanting to snoop around?

You'd feel bad for snooping around, but what if you kept finding things you didn't want to see, which gave you more of a reason to look again? Then surely it's not your fault? But is it acceptable or not?

Being honest here, I snoop around my boyfriend's things from time to time. I feel like I shouldn't be doing it, but I always see the same weird things from a girl. This girl is in his past, and in mine too. We both used to be really good friends with her. Except she sent him creepy things about kissing him softly and whispering that she loves him. They never have gone out. That was apparently normal to say that to your best friend. I wouldn't say that to my best friend. She used to rule the guys, and be their Queen, they all looked to her and all loved her. She lead them all on, but didn't even like any of them. She then was bitchy to one of their new girlfriends, and another's love interest, all whilst trying to string along my guy and some of the others. Sending weird manipulative flirty things about wanting them to be with her etc. They all bowed down to her and put so much effort into impressing her. It made me SICK. The guys eventually broke from it and realised what was happening. She tried to guilt trip them back under her curse, but they resisted. They're all now happy without her.

Yet still he has the texts from her saved on his phone.

I want to delete them. But then he'll know I've been snooping.

But is that a bad thing?

Valentines Day.

Gavin DeGraw - Follow Through

Oh, this is the start of something good
Don't you agree?
I, haven't felt like this in so many moons
You know what I mean
And we can build through this destruction
As we are standing on our feet

So, since you wanna be with me
You'll have to follow through
With every word you say
And I, all I really want is you
you to stick around
I'll see you everyday
But you have to follow through
You have to follow through

These reeling emotions they just keep me alive
They keep me in tune
Oh, look what I‘m holding here in my fire
This is for you
Am I too obvious to preach it
You're so hypnotic on my heart

So, since you wanna be with me
You'll have to follow through
With every word you say
And I, all I really want is you
you to stick around
I'll see you everyday
But you have to follow through
You have to follow through

The words you say to me are unlike anything
That's ever been said
oh what you do to me is unlike anything
That's ever been
Am I too obvious to preach it?
You're so hypnotic on my heart

So since you wanna be with me
You'll have to follow through
With every word you say
And I, all I really want is you
you to stick around
I'll see you everyday

So since you wanna be with me
You'll have to follow through
With every word you say
And I, all I really want is you
you to stick around
I'll see you everyday
But you have to follow through
You have to follow through
You're gonna have to follow

Oh, this is the start of something good
Don't you agree?

So it's Valentines day today. Well, yesterday now seeing as it's 1am. These lyrics really reflect how I'm feeling right now. I haven't done anything particularly special, just dossed around with my amazing boyfriend. We had a foam fight in the kitchen and then his mum came home and there was foam everywhere, she was so confused; I expected her to be pissed off, but she didn't care at all. We've been in really FUN moods the past two days and have been really childish together; foam fights, duvet monsters, dressing up, jumping all over the place, tickle fights, everything. Tonight he turned round and said 'we're being too immature, we should have fun in a mature way.' And then he proceeded to google 'ways to have mature fun'. Of course, he didn't properly think this through, and tonns of granny porn came up.

We wrote each other messages for Valentines, I wrote mine in a card that I'd made myself. It was small and red, with two fleece hearts on the front, one said love and the other said kisses, and inside said I love you, with a heart that I'd sewn stuck next to it. He typed me a letter. We both wrote similar things to each other, and that, to me, highlighted even more how well we fit. You really realise how much you feel for somebody when you try to write it all down on paper. He took me out for a lovely dinner on Saturday in London and I had a surprise for him today, I was going to go to each individual restaurant and buy his favourite thing to make up his perfect fast food meal... but then he went and had a huge lunch and was too full. On the whole, I had a brilliant Valentines day. Probably the best one yet.