dreaming of another world, dreaming of another one, dreaming of another you.

all i do is try to make you happy, try to keep things flowing, try to keep us together, and what do you do? nothing. when i try to point this out to you, you say you don't mean for this to happen and that you want to try but you just can't, and then you get frustrated with yourself, cry and make me look like a right dick head. then you'll maybe try for a few days, and then it'll go again and you'll stop bothering. i'll let you get away with it and carry on running around after you trying to make this work, but when i give up and i don't try, and you don't either and then we don't speak and don't make any plans, it just proves that it's all me. and that's not right. i don't want to be in a relationship with myself. i know i don't show it often or tell you often, although you'd probably disagree with that, seriously i don't, because i try to be strong and i try to not cause anything and i don't want to see you upset with yourself knowing i've caused it, because i hate seeing you sad, it breaks my heart, but it's wasted efforts and i get hurt regardless. i'm not even asking for much, i just want to feel appreciated, and for you to actually turn to me and say 'i love you' and mean it, not just be saying it just because you think you've annoyed me and it's an escape route. i want to still be with you in a years time, and we have the potential because we just click together like a jigsaw, but if you took a step back you'd see that every time you have the 'meh cba' attitude with me, you're pushing me away. i want to love you but you make it hard for me. you make me bitter.

i hate finding little reminds of her everywhere. i know they're old and you don't read them but they're there and i saw them. i'll admit i have one letter from an ex, and a couple of cards from another, but they're nothing like the things from her you have. they're simple and they're finished business, no chance of me going back there, whereas you and her might not be, you might still have feelings for her deep down for all i know. i'd let you see the letters and cards that i have if you really wanted to, but i know you wouldn't let me see the letters from her because you know they're not right and that they'd hurt me... so why do you still have them? you get annoyed at me when i won't tell you something or won't show you something, because you say i should share these things with you, but  i know you wouldn't share with me; because you're secretive. 

 the way i feel scares me because the last time i felt like this, i still knew that  me and the guy would break up, i could see it happening, i could see an end on it, even though i didn't want to, i could. but with you, i see no end, i can't imagine it. 

i just want to feel it, to know it, and not to guess it.